The Pregnancy Test
by cein
Summary: The men of the ER spend some 'quality time' in the locker room


  
  
WARNING - spoilers for season 7.  
  
  
We see the inside of the men's changing room at County General. Carter is standing, holding what appears to be a 'pregnancy suit', as used to simulate some of the physical effects of a pregnancy on a human body. He's frowning at it as he says, "So why exactly do we have to wear these things?"  
  
Peter is trying to strap his 'suit' around his waist. "Apparently, someone made and offensive comment to a pregnant woman...and now Kerry has decided that we all need some 'sensitivity training." He glares at Dave, as does practically every other man in the room.  
  
Dave looks up from where he is trying to figure out how to put his 'suit' on. "Hey, don't look at me," he says indignantly. "I haven't even been talking to any pregnant chicks lately."  
  
"Yeah sure, Dave," says Carter. "This has 'Malucci' written all over it. Who else would do it?"  
  
"Um," says Mark, wearing a slightly shamefaced expression. "Actually, it was me..."  
  
All heads turn to look at him, wearing various expressions of disbelief.  
  
"You got us into this?" says Malik in disgust.  
  
"What did you say, Mark?" asks Peter resignedly.  
  
Mark drops his gaze and mutters something inaudible. "What was that?" asks Peter.  
  
"I said, Elizabeth was commenting on how long it was taking my hair to grow back after the operations...so I...I told her that my hair would have grown back long before she lost all the weight she was putting on with her pregnancy..."  
  
Several jaws drop in amazement as Mark blushes. "Okay, so I wasn't thinking," he says.  
  
"Damm right you weren't," says Dave. "Hell, even I know that you never criticize a chicks weight...especially a pregnant one. Jeez Boss, you sure they cut the right bit out of your brain?"  
  
"Malucci," snaps Peter. "That's not funny."  
  
"Thank you, Peter," says Mark.  
  
"Yeah, Mark's been putting his foot in it with women long before he ever had brain surgery."  
  
Mark looks at Peter indignantly. "Gee thanks for your support Peter," he says sarcastically.  
  
Peter shrugs indifferently and returns to tightening the straps that hold the 'suit' in place, as do the rest of the group.  
  
Carter moans as he tries unsuccessfully to button his shirt over his now ample belly. "This won't fasten..." He looks disgustedly at Mark. "What are we supposed to do? Go topless?"  
  
"Um no," says Mark. With difficulty - as he is now wearing the 'suit' - he bends down and pulls out a bag from under a bench. "Kerry said we could wear these if our own clothes didn't fit." He pulls out a maternity blouse in a truly hideous shade of lime green.  
  
"Oh dear God," mutters Luka. "You cannot be serious?"  
  
"I'm afraid so...Kerry was most insistent...we have to wear these for the entire shift..." His voice trails off as he realizes that everyone is glaring at him.  
  
"Hey, it was either this or attend a 'sensitivity training seminar' in our time off," he says helplessly. "I thought this would be easier on everyone..."  
  
"Just shut up and pass the bag round," growls Peter.  
  
Amidst much groans, everyone takes a top from the bag. Each more horrendous than the last. Everyone that is except Dave, who with a smug grin proudly produces a maternity scrub top. True, it's a pink scrub top...but compared to what the others have to wear, it's the height of fashion.  
  
"Hey, where did you get that from?" asks Carter. "Mark, that's not fair."  
  
"Just shut up and put on your blouse," snaps Mark, as he pulls on a top with horizontal stripes.   
  
Peter tries unsuccessfully to hide a smirk as he watches Mark. "Looks like you scraped the bottom of the barrel," he says. "Don't you know you shouldn't wear horizontal stripes with a belly like that?"  
  
Mark glares at him. "I bought this for Elizabeth," he says coldly.   
  
"Man, this sucks," mutters Malik. "We're gonna be the laughing stock of the entire ER," he says gloomily.  
  
"Perhaps it will not be so bad," says Luka optimistically. "I am sure that the female staff will appreciate the effort we are putting in." He is the subject of many skeptical looks.  
  
Everyone is too busy getting ready to notice a small video camera that is concealed on top of one of the lockers. From the red light, we can see that it is running. We follow the lead from the camera out through the door, along several corridors and finally in through another door, before it finally connects to the back of a TV set.  
  
Randi is sitting on the edge of the couch in the Lounge with a large bowl of popcorn balanced precariously on her knees. She is watching the screen intently occasionally hooting with laughter as one or the other of the men struggle with their outfits.  
  
Kerry's voice cuts through her concentration. "Randi, just what do you think you're doing?"  
  
Randi jumps, nearly spilling the popcorn. "Oops, sorry Dr. Weaver," she says, as she hands Kerry the bowl. "I got a little distracted."  
  
"Yeah right," mutters Kerry, who is sitting on the couch beside her. She helps herself to a large handful, before passing the bowl to Elizabeth, who rests it gently on her belly.  
  
"I still can't believe you talked them into this," says Elizabeth with a big smile.   
  
"Remind me not to piss you off any time soon," says Haleh, as she reaches for a handful of popcorn.  
  
"So how long before you tell them it's all a scam?" asks Randi.  
  
"Who says I'm planning to tell them?" says Kerry with a smug smile as she grabs another handful of popcorn.   
  
The rest of the women stare at her with a mixture of disbelief and admiration for a few seconds before cheering her loudly.   
  
  
THE END   
  



End file.
